Appeal Process – A process used by a child that promotes obedience and helps prevent exasperation on the part of the child that can occur when an instruction is given by a parent who may not have all ‘the facts’. The child can appeal to their parent’s instruction by asking “May I Appeal…” and then provide the additional, needed information that will help the parent make an informed decision about the instruction just given without compromising their authority.

Addicted to Choice – Starting at a very early age, a child is given has too many freedoms in the decision making process, and cannot handle not having a choice, he or she has become “addicted to choice”

Blanket Time – This activity is for infants through pre-school ages. The child is placed or directed to play on a blanket and provided limited toys. Can accompany play-pen time for very little ones and serve the same purpose for toddlers up. The child learns to stay in the defined boundaries of the blanket. Additional benefits of this activity is adding the benefits of sitting, focusing and concentrating skills.

Childishness – This represents the unintentional and non-malicious mistakes made in life. With children, it is often the result of a lack of knowledge or lack of understanding. There is no intent to do wrong.

Clean, but Empty House – Occurs as the result of parents discouraging or correcting wrong behaviour —and stop right there. All children should learn what “to do” as much as what “not to do.” For example, it is not enough to teach a child not to take a toy from another child without asking. One sweeps the house clean; the other fills the house with virtue. Restraining wrong behaviour must be offset by elevating good and virtuous behaviour. (Luke 11:25-26)

Context – An important word in the correction process where discernment, the ability to judge a situation wisely without being judgmental. Meaning parents respond reactively without first assessing the context of the situation. Parents must use context to discern the motive behind a seemingly wrong action. On the child’s part is it a head issue, the child is not aware that he or she was doing something wrong, or is it a heart issue, the child knows what she’s doing was wrong yet continued to pursue it.

Corollary Life Skills – As parents train their children in the four capacities emotional, intellectual, physical and moral, developmental evidence strongly suggests that only moral training has multiple corollary benefits that actually serve the other three capacities, and help bring the child to maturity. Take for example, the corollary impact moral training in self-control can have on a child’s cognitive ability—the ability to process information, think and reason well, and to be a problem solver.

Couch Time – This activity occurs when parents take 10-15 minutes each day spending time together in front of their children (not after they are in bed) which in turn provides the children a visual sense of their parents’ togetherness.  It is one tangible way children can measure Dad & Mom’s love relationship and have their inner security needs satisfied. It also provides a forum for Dad & Mom’s personal and relational needs to be met.  A single parent can practice “couch time” with God, in prayer or having her personal devotion.

Crossing Over Principle - This principle speaks to a variety of situations that we should either avoid or actively engage ourselves in. By actively thinking of the preciousness of those around us, we can prevent ourselves from “crossing over” and instead do what is right in the moment e.g.: taking the trash out rather than trying to balance our trash on top of the already full bin. (Luke 10:30-37)

Family Identity – Family Identity reflects the qualities, beliefs and characteristics that identify, and are mutually accepted by each family member, of who you are as a family.

Father’s Mandate – Relationship-building ideas to help develop a trusting relationship with children.

1.       Cultivate a sense of Family Identity.

2.       Demonstrate an ongoing love for your wife.

3.       Understand your child’s private world.

4.       Give your child the freedom to fail.

5.       Encourage your child.

6.       Guard your tongue and tone.

7.       Routinely embrace your child.

8.       Build trust on God’s Word.

Foolishness – Foolishness is demonstrating wilful behaviour of intentional defiance, open rebellion, deception and/or evil intent.

God-Name - A “God-Name” is a title that reflects a child’s principle strength of character that contributes to the shaping of his/her identity. It is the one or more Godly traits that are beginning to emerge and morally distinguish your child.

Good, Better, Best – Good, Better, Best represents three levels of moral initiatives. teaching younger children how to properly greet people, a simple “hi” or “hello” is the first tier of achievement. This is where parents begin. However, always sitting next to “good” is the option of “better,” and next to better is the option of “best.” The layered principle of good, better, and best is something that we are all continually challenged by—at home, at work, in relationships, in achievement and certainly in parenting.

Healthy Lawn Perspective - Healthy lawns cannot exist without well-established root systems. What is below the surface determines what is above. Whether you are working with young, tender plants or young, tender hearts, both need proper care, a safe environment, and protection from intrusive forces. There is a need to weed out the bad influences that can undermine your good efforts, while providing life-giving nutrients that will help your children establish a healthy emotional, intellectual and spiritual “root system.”

Interdependent Family – is a family where each family member is dependent upon each other.

Interrupt Courtesy – The interrupt courtesy is a silent, respectful way to interrupt a person who is engaged in a conversation whether it be talking directly with a person, speaking on the phone or even typing an email or message.  Have your child rest their hand on your side or arm and wait patiently and calmly until you acknowledge them. Knowing that your child is their you can find a place in the conversation to politely say “Excuse me,” and then turn your attention to your child and care take care of their need.

Legalism – Legalism creates prohibitions by elevating the rule over the principle from which the rule was derived. The legalist sees all decisions in life as black and white, immoral or moral. There is no heart or motive areas. No room is made for individual strengths and weaknesses.

Love Notes - Love notes are simple gestures that carry profound messages: a hand-written note especially from Dad, tucked away in a book bag or lunch box, desk, bedside table.

Me-ism – self-centeredness is a me-ism attitude where the child perceives themselves as the centre of the family (and ultimately their world).

Moral Warehouse – The child’s moral conscience where parent’s deposit moral knowledge and principles throughout their lives.

Parenting Funnel – Is both a concept and an analogy that uses a funnel to explain the correlation between behavioural freedoms that are age-appropriate and are matched by the child’s developmental age and maturity.  The narrow stem of the funnel at the bottom representing the early ages of a child’s life, the wider part represents the expanding growth, maturity and gradual freedoms a child is able to handle. Each point of expansion represents greater freedoms that are matched by the child’s developmental age and maturity.

Parenting Inside the Funnel - Parenting inside the funnel is when parents allow their child behavioural freedoms that are age-appropriate and are in harmony with the child’s moral and intellectual capabilities.

Parenting Outside the Funnel – Parenting outside the funnel is when parents allow their child behavioural freedoms that are neither age-appropriate, nor in harmony with the child’s moral and intellectual capabilities. Remember “red cup – blue cup” …too many choices too early.

Playpen Time - Playpen time provides a safe environment for infants and toddlers up to about age two where the child as the opportunity to learn to play alone for a specified time determined by mom and a limited number of age appropriate toys chosen by mom. The practice also helps a child develop focus and concentrating skills. It is advisable to place the playpen where a parent can observe the child, but he cannot see the parent.

Potato Principle - This Principle speaks of the Mom or Dad who is fixated on the bad, at the expense of the good. The bad spot may represent 2% or 50% of the child’s behaviour, but it receives 100% of the parent’s attention. The Potato Principle warns parents not to fixate solely on the bad spots, because in time, the child’s “good” is no longer appreciated or seen. The consequence is that both parents and child begin to measure goodness by the absence of bad.

Preciousness of Others – Embedded within the Christian world-view is the belief that all life is precious. Especially human life. That means the moral mandate for those who follow the precepts of Christ is recognizing that everyone is precious to God. Therefore, we base our ethical conduct toward other people by how beloved they are to their Creator. In instructing their children about the preciousness of others, parents encourage their children to consider those in front of them, on their sides and those coming behind. And practically show them what that looks like.

Reflective Sit Time - A reflective sit-time is a corrective strategy that provides the opportunity for a child to sit and think about what he should have done or said. It is not a punishment. The process is to help bring a child to repentance, forgiveness, and restoration, and to help a child morally evaluate his or her circumstance, and then take ownership for the present and future responses.

Repentance, Forgiveness and Restoration – Repentance begins with the offender and a contrite heart. The offender seeks forgiveness from the one they offended and included is the offense. “Sister< I am sorry for taking your toy, will you please forgive me?”. Forgiveness lies with the one offended in that she accepts her sibling’s apology and offers forgiveness and the offender accepts that forgiveness. Restoration requires forgiveness on the part of the one offended and acceptance on the part of the offender. Forgiveness must be accepted for restoration to take place. Remember, “I’m sorry” is reserved for innocent mistakes and not a substitute for “will you please forgive me for…?”

Responsibility Monkey’s – After certain behavioural expectations have been taught and passed on to a child by his parents, the child then needs to become responsible for his own “monkeys”. However, when parents continue to instruct and remind their children of how to behave after the child fully understands the expectations and responsibilities, the monkeys jump back to the parent. And what is being communicated to the child is, he really doesn’t need to take responsibility for the behaviour, because mum or dad will remind him. That is when parents become frustrated and will say “how many times must I remind you?!” To avoid taking back monkey’s a parent only needs to ask the child when he or she asks to do something; “Do you have the freedom to go or do that?” The child then will become responsible for his own actions, behaviour and attitudes and the home environment will be more peaceful.

Room Time – Room time is when a child (roughly aged 2 and up) plays by themselves contently for a period of time without having someone there to entertain him. Room time is the natural extension of playpen-time and comes with all the educational benefits, including the development of sitting, focusing and concentrating skills.

Self-Control Hands/Quiet Hands – The folding of the hands is a simple way a child can redirect the energy that is causing them to just about “cross the bridge of trouble” or even in the moment of misbehaviour. When Mom says, “Settle down” or “Sit still” or “Stop kicking,” nothing happens because she has not given her child a way to redirect the energy. However, when Mom or Dad instructs, “Brody, I want you to fold your hands and get self-control,” the energy is directed right into the child’s folded hands. Yes, it is that simple. Hand-folding redirects the excessive body energy that normally makes self-control so difficult.

Speak Life – To Speak Life means to speak virtuous words that communicate value, worth and potential, while also promoting beauty.

Speak Death – To Speak Death is to speak common words that speak to failure, corruption and defeat.

Three Candy Speed – a teaching tool whereby you can teach your child what “faster” looks like. Begin with a slight mess that your child needs to pick up. Place 3 small pieces of candy on the counter, and call your child over. Tell him you are going to set the timer and he should begin cleaning up when you do so.  Inform him that if the toys are picked up and neatly put away, the three pieces of candy will be his reward! Then say “Go!” and watch him pick up those toys faster than ever before, beating the timer and receiving his reward. You have established a benchmark for what “faster” looks like. Explain to him the speed he just moved is called the “three candy speed.”  Tell him will not receive candy every time he is asked to do something, but if you ask him to move at the “three candy speed” he will know what speed you expect.

Tongue & Tone - Parents need to learn to guard their tongue and tone and learn to measure your responses according to the excitement on your child’s face.

We-ism – Being a welcome member of a family produces we-ism, which represents an attitude that accepts one’s role in the family as a team member, giving to others as much as receiving.

Windows of the Heart - Those “open-window” moment is when a parent can get a glimpse of what is happening on the inside world of their child. It is in those precise moments that parents can ask some heart-probing questions.

Wise in Your Own Eyes - A child who acts “wise in his own eyes” is a child living above his age-appropriate level of freedom.